No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
