"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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