Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
