Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
