I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
