Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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