So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize