I think I am morally bankrupt
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
