Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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