Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
