I just threw up on my dentist
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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