Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
