im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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