The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
