dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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