i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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