she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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