Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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