I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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