Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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