I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
