some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
