EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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