I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
