I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
