she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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