So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
