It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
this is an emotional support booty call
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
