If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
