I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
