Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
