my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
