Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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