can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
