like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
