I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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