Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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