Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
