I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
