I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
