i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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