I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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