It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
