It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
