so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
