got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
