I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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