Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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