Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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