Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
