after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
