I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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