Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
