How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
