What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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