So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
