wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
