ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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