Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
