Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
