Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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