Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize