dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
