the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
