Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
handjob tips. give me some.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
