I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
