I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize