How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
