my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
