this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
