Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
