We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
