just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
