I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
