I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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