I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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