I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
