sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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