we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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