end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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