Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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