I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
