Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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