i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we should paint friendship bongs
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