Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
