Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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