I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
