Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
