DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
